Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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