I molested 6 butterflies tonight
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
