Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize