how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
then he tried to convert me to islam
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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