I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
