i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
