I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
