I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
