apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
