my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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