it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
