she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm like, not good at living.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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