chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
