i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Floor bacon is actually really good
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
