jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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