i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
