tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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