I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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