problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
COCAINE IS GR8
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
