Screwed.edu
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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