my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize