DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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