How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
