My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
