I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
