I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
