Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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