I wish I could punch you in the face.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Randomize
