DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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