Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
