i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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