she takes plan B like it's going out of style
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize