you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
