I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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