If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
