yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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