Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
