Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
