I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
