i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
