He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
