so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
