why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Randomize
