my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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