I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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