there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
