And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize