So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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