DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
