I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
