Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
