??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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