It's like a parade of train wrecks.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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