capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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