im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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