New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You made out with two different species that night
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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