You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize