I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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