Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
