I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
