Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
