I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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