i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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