ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
We left an ass print on the piano.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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