I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
We need to get me chipped asap
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
