four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
